Sharing the Pain
by Passionate Cec
Summary: Helen and John find each other after the events of Revelations  Part 2  and let go for a little while to share the pain of the two great losses they have just suffered. I would add Angst if I could add a third genre.


I have received so many amazing reviews for _Sanguine Vampiris_ and _For all Eternity_ and I really want to thank those who commented for that. It was so great and heartwarming to read your reviews. Those reviews helped me with the decision of which story I should post next.

This is the one. It's set after _Revelations Part 2_. Probably about a week after the events of the episode.

I hope John and Helen are not too OOC. The words just seemed to come out like that and I couldn't quite control them so I hope this works.

The next story I post will probably be about Helen and James. I hope to see my faithful readers (I know I have at least a couple) there too.

Once again, Sanctuary and its characters do not belong to me. I don't make any money with this story. Its sole purpose is entertainement. No copyright infringement intended.

Obviously, I would _love_ to get more reviews like the ones I mentioned above. So you know what to do. There's a certain blue link at the bottom of this page which is just begging for some attention. ; P

And now, enjoy. =)

**Sharing the Pain**

Helen looked up from the place in the ground where James' body now rested. She realized with a start that the sky had already darkened and she could see the weak twinkling of the first stars. The temperature had also dropped a little and though it was summer, there was a slight chill in the air that she couldn't shake off. She was just wearing a dress with short sleeves and hadn't moved in hours so it seemed normal that she would feel the cold. She took one last glance at the flowers covering the ground at her feet.

James had always told her that when he passed he wanted to be buried in the garden of the London Sanctuary. She had granted him his wish but it still felt surreal to her. She couldn't wrap her brain around the fact that the man she had known the longest and who had stayed by her side for the past century and a quarter was dead. Ashley was gone and that only made it all the worse. Everything had arrived so suddenly and she couldn't help but think, hope, she would wake up from this terrible nightmare.

She slowly turned away and started walking back to the building, hoping she would be able to find John so he could take her back home. As much as she loved London, she hadn't felt at home anywhere but in Old City in a very long time and when she felt like she did at that moment, she only craved the comfort of a familiar place where she could escape and be left alone. As it was, she didn't have to look long. John was standing by the door, watching her. She looked down at her feet, hesitating as to what she should do, before looking back up at him.

A few tears pooled in her eyes when she saw the compassionate warmth in his eyes. The pain was evident and she understood it, knowing better than anyone that, even though everyone expected him not to care, he did. Because he too had lost a good friend and because he also carried the guilt of having betrayed his best friend in the worst way possible. She didn't have to search long before she found the love that she had seen shining in the blue orbs so many times in the past. And for once, Helen decided that she didn't want to worry about the consequences. Her best friend had died in front of her eyes in the most unexpected way possible, her daughter was missing, in the hands of an organization which had announced itself as her sworn enemy, that would do everything inits power to destroy her and the work she had built over the years. And in front of her stood the love of her life who was looking for all the world like the man she had fallen head over heels in love with so many years ago.

Helen took a first hesitant step and the next ones followed naturally, quickly bringing her into John's arms. Her arms wrapped around him, hands grasping tightly at his shoulders, as if he were her only lifeline, while one of his hands settled in her hair and the other one stroked her back in soothing motions. Her face dropped to the side of his neck and she drew in a shaky breath, feeling John tightening his grip on her.

'Oh, John.' She whispered over a sob that escaped her throat before she could hold it back.

'I'm here, my love.'

And those were the words that broke her resolve. Another sob tore from her and the next ones promptly followed suit. And she didn't try to hold them back. Helen felt the pull of teleportation and was silently thankful that John knew her well enough to know she would want as much privacy as possible when she let her shields down.

When Helen finally calmed down, she didn't know how much time had passed. Without pulling away from John's warm and comforting body, she lifted her head, looking around, immediately noticing that the night had completely fallen around them. _So still the same time zone._ She looked more precisely and knew John had taken them to a roof in London, where the sleeping souls of the city would not bother them, and yet, somewhere she wouldn't feel claustrophobic. One last tear slipped from her eye when she remembered that he had been the one to introduce her to roofs. Ever since that first night when he had gripped her hand tightly and guided her to the roof of his building, wherever she may be in the world, it was where she felt most at peace. And if she remembered correctly – and she did – he had once told her that he felt the same way.

She slowly looked up and noticed the trails of dried tears on John's cheeks. She didn't know whom he was crying for but she didn't feel like that really mattered. Whether he was crying for the death of his long lost best friend or the disapearance of his daughter wasn't important. The simple fact that in front of her stood the man she loved who had, against his will, become the most famous serial killer of all times, and that he was crying, tore her heart right out of her chest. She lifted a hand to his cheek and allowed her thumb to wipe away the last physical evidence of his emotions, sealing their secret; she was the only one who would ever know about it.

'Thank you, John.' Helen whispered, looking straight into his eyes.

'For what?'

'For being here for me now, when I need you the most. For trusting me after all that has happened.'

'Then I should be the one to thank you.'

John leaned down and touched his lips to hers, letting the kiss linger, though not pressuring for more. It seemed like such a natural gesture that it didn't occur to her that the last time their lips had touched had been in 1888. Neither was she bothered by the fact that since that same year she had cultivated a hatred for him that shouldn't disipate so fast. Tonight, they were just lovers who had lived too long and lost too much. He pulled back, resting his forehead against hers and closing his eyes as tightly as he could as if he were trying to hold something back by shear will.

'How can it hurt so much?' He asked.

The raw emotion in his voice, the deep pain and the openness he displayed surprised her just as much as the words. She didn't know what to say but she felt that, reminding him, at that moment, that he hadn't been James' friend in well over a century or that he hadn't seen their daughter grow would be the equivalent of kicking an already injured puppy. He was her John tonight; the human being who hurt just as much as she did and who felt all the pain and guilt of what Jack had done despite his will. To these women, to his friendship with James, to her and their daughter and to them, the naïve couple who had hoped and wished for so much. She was about to give him the most honest answer she could muster, that she didn't know, but he didn't give her a chance.

'My God, Helen. I haven't felt pain or any other kind of emotion since White Chapel. Why does it come back now, all of a sudden? Why does it hurt so much?'

Helen felt a hot tear against her hand and realized she was still cupping his cheek. She let her hand slip around his neck, holding on tightly, not sure whose benefit it was really for.

'I don't know.' She whispered. 'I don't know, John. But we have to move past it. If only to find Ashley.'

She felt him nod against her forehead and he pulled back slowly, looking her straight in the eye and again, the depth of emotion in his eyes swept her off her feet. She had never seen as many conflicting and overwhelming emotions at once and she realized that they must have all come to him at once, leaving him clueless as to how to deal with the violent onslaught.

'I love you, Helen. I love you so much. I always have. No matter what I did, there's always been a part of me that was completely devoted to you. I want you to know that and I don't ever want you to forget that. No matter how hard the times get, no matter what I do, to other people or to you, know that there has always been and will always be a part of me that belongs to you. For all eternity.' He whispered, reminding her of the promise they had often uttered to each other.

Helen couldn't muster the strength to utter a word, but she imagined that he could see her own emotions in her eyes. And the tears rolling down he cheek were probably quite telling if they weren't misinterpreted. John leaned down to kiss her once again and this time, she didn't let him pull away. She deepened the kiss and when he returned it, she realized she had never been kissed that way before. Not even by John. Never had he been so open and never had their kisses expressed so many emotions at once. And never had these emotions held such a weight that she almost felt she would be crushed by them if she didn't have John to lean onto anymore. She whimpered when John pulled back and slipped her arms around his neck, holding on tighter than she ever had. She felt him put his face against her hair and felt him inhale her scent, knowing he could feel her doing the same thing. And she had to wonder if he too was overwhelmed by how similar her scent was to the one he remembered.

'I'm going to take you home.' He whispered against her ear.

And she knew that their moment was over. The words had held more meaning to her than they would to anybody else. Home meant she was supposed to hold up the front. It meant being strong without him. And though she knew it was unavoidable, she couldn't agree without at least trying to convince him to change his mind. And if it meant begging, then so be it; there was nothing John hadn't seen in her, physically or emotionally.

'Will you stay with me? Just tonight?'

'I wish I could.'

'Then do it. Stay with me.'

'Helen.'

'That's all I'm asking; for you to spend the night with me, to hold me. I need you John. Now more than ever and you're here. Don't go yet.'

'I can't, Helen. I wish I could. I really do. But you know as well as I do that I don't control it. I don't know by what miracle I am truly myself right now, but I know it won't last long. And I don't want to be near you when it comes back. I don't want to hurt you again, my beautiful Helen.'

'Where will you be going?' She finally asked, knowing that she was fighting a losing battle anyway.

'To look for our daughter.'

'Please, John, stay in contact with me.'

'I will. I promise.' He answered as he let his hands slide up her arms. 'But now I'm taking you back, you're chilled.'

She leaned up and joined their lips one last time, not deepening the kiss but allowing it to last long enough to be meaningful and remembered.

'I love you too, John. For all eternity.'

And before she knew it, she felt the pull of teleportation and was standing in front of the gate of her Sanctuary and he was gone again, leaving nothing but a kiss against her forehead just as he teleported away again.


End file.
